Ordination
(on the
installation of cardinals by Pope John Paul II, Feb. 21, 2001)
Forty-four cardinals stooped and bowed
To the pontiff's golden throne
And there in St. Peter's basilica,
Pledged allegiance unto Rome.
Bravo the Catholic church!
What a wondrous reverie!
The protestants have their brides of Christ
But you are husbands of Mary!
But what is this? A strife above?
What in Heaven is going on?
It seems the mother of Jesus is vexed
And complaining to her son:
"O Christ, another round of misery,
Just put me on the rack!
With forty-four more heads to ordain,
I'll never get off my back!
If Wolsey wasn't enough weight to bear
Steeped in his scarlet sin,
Another forty-four portly lads of lard
Must I now welcome in!
They ring their bells and wave their smells
And utter their tone-deaf grunts.
As Shakespeare said in 'King Henry the Eighth':
All hoods do not make monks!'
How eagerly they go down to me
With prayers for my sake,
But I am tired of this holy role:
For God's sake give me a break!"
O worthy maid enthroned above,
Shun not your sacred duty,
For you are the bastion of the Catholic Church
And symbol of Vatican booty.
Catholicism has cleaned up its act
Since Luther vented his spleen
And now its indulgences and papal bull
Are a little less obscene.
Gone are the burnings at the stake
And forgiveness sold for a fee.
Gone is the dreadful Inquisition
And the worst of heresy.
Gone the cleric's monopoly
Of access to the scriptures.
Gone too the pawning of relics
And the worst religious strictures.
O Mary, you protest too much
That your John calls his ministers home.
So instead of decrying the ways of men,
Lie back, and think of Rome!
February
2001
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